


This Could Mean War

by Vexed_Wench



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Bets & Wagers, Community: trope_bingo, Epistolary, Gen, Gift Fic, Letters, Men of Letters, mentions of supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-21 18:36:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7398898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vexed_Wench/pseuds/Vexed_Wench
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ukobach always pays his debts.</p><p>Written for the square Epistolary  on my Trope Bingo card.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Could Mean War

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spiralicious](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiralicious/gifts).



Cousin,

I hope this letter finds you miserable and lonely. I hope by now you've burnt off your taste buds with awful hot sauce you insist is tasty.

I hope you're new charges are horrible men with awful taste. You should be made to cook boring, bland food for the rest of your days. Nothing but plain boiled chicken, and milk toast. 

When I last visited you made an obscene amount of pot roast and chocolate cake. I still think you made up those T.V. dinner things to scare me. How can people eat them? The peas were in everything. I would never put my name on them. Hell, I wouldn't put your name on them. You know how much I respect your talent. I still don't think you should blame your weird obsession with pot roast on the decade. The nineteen fifties had more to offer then that.

Maybe your new charges will eat nothing but raw fruits and vegetables. How horrible would that be? All of your years of training and you would be stuck washing and slicing a crudités tray. It would serve you right.

Maybe they will live on that disgusting American fast food you love to complain about. It would serve you right to have the kitchen you love to brag about filled with pizza, fried chicken, and burgers. 

I won't wish the microwave upon you. I'm not a monster. You are still the only one in the family I actually like.

That is why I am writing now. I must confess that I lost this round of our usual wager. My charges found me and now know I am here.

I will honor my word and I'm enclosing my recipe for okonomiyaki. 

My boys will be back from classes soon. I must go make them a delicious snack. One that they will no doubt praise me name over. My life is much more enjoyable now that I am no longer hiding.

 

My boys love what I do here. Can your fancy Men of Letters say the same about you? They don't sound like they would be fun to spend time with. I doubt they appreciate your talent or humor. I now it has been many years since I last visited, yet I doubt they have changed much.

I can't make you come home. I doubt I could get you to drag the two best ones from the house with you.

We should try that next. Think about it, my Exorcists against your stuffy old Men of Letters. I know my boys will win at any competition we can dream up. All your men are good for is research. When is the last time they went on a mission and saw anything close to a demon? They would take one look at them and run screaming for their mommies.

I bet one look at you and they will wet their pants. Not that I can blame them. You never were the pretty one. Sadly, not everyone can look like me.

We would need a better prize. What is something we both desire that we can't acquire on our own? There has to be something we both desire.

Maybe you should consider letting find you. You could move easily about and we can plan a knock down anything goes battle of the houses. 

Your favorite cousin,

Ukobach

P.S. We never agreed that my sauce was part of the wager.


End file.
